Saturday, May 16, 2009

:: Older woman, younger man relationships ::

Living in society often places its demands on us, trying to make us conform to accepted norms of behavior and adhere to a certain code of conduct. The same expectations often extend to our relationships as well. Yet forbidden fruit is always tempting. Where once a certain behavior is treated as unacceptable, over time, views become more liberal and it becomes acceptable.

Earlier, living together was frowned upon, but nobody blinks an eye any longer if you happen to be living in. An older woman dating a younger man is something that was looked on askance earlier. Now, with celebrities like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher popularizing the older woman, younger man relationship, it will probably be seen as a trend-setting norm. Web sites such as Thirty Plus Singles have come up, which as the name denotes brings together 30 + men and women. The advantage you have with a site like this is that most men are relatively older and many women will prefer a younger man.

And why should there be anything unusual about it? It is only our preconceived notions which dictate that women should be in relationships only with slightly older men or that two individuals should be in more or less the same age bracket. There are many older women, younger men relationships that have worked and been as successful as any other relationship.

Yet in our subconscious, we often wonder what is the lure of an older woman for a younger guy and vice versa? It often boils down to a few very simple and basic qualities.

1. Older women tend to be more confident

They have a certain assured air about them that is a huge draw to younger men. They tend to be comfortable in their skin and it shows. Younger men find it very appealing to be with a woman who doesn't need constant assurance about how she looks, or doesn't require you to stroke her ego. You don't have to go out of your way to impress her, she finds your boyishness charming, and you don't have to take the lead all the time.

2. They're more experienced

Older women tend to bring a wealth of experience with them, both in matters of the head and heart. They've been-there-done-that, and can sometimes offer valuable advice to a younger beau on how to conduct himself in a difficult situation, or even a career move. They can offer a certain perspective that comes only with having crossed certain bridges in life. A lot of younger men are also drawn to older women because of their sexual expertise. Research shows that these women often display formidable prowess sexually and younger men are drawn by the promise of what they have to offer between the sheets.

3. The independence of older women

Older women are often more settled financially and career-wise. They are often not as driven by ambition, and are already comfortably perched at a certain point on their career path. Unlike younger women, they don't feel the need to compete and prove a point, or have that drive to climb the corporate ladder. This is more conducive to a relationship, both in terms of the quality, and quantity of time they have to offer. Sometimes they are even financially well-off and don't mind extending this largesse to their partner without making him feel he's sponging off. There is no pressure on the man to support the relationship single-handedly or bear the financial burden.

4. Older women are more understanding

Very often, men tend to find older women, more tolerant and supportive. They are more balanced emotionally and can even be protective at times. Men do love to be nurtured, and to a certain extent, even mothered. Men rarely find this quality in women of the same age group, as they tend to be more preoccupied with their own careers, motherhood, children's problems etc.

5. Older women are more mature

An older woman, like any fine wine, matures greatly with age. They have a certain wisdom about them that is highly attractive to younger men, who are sometimes reeling from nasty breakups or just emotionally adrift. Men find that these women tend to be more straightforward, about where they're at, and what they're after. They find the mind games that younger women play in relationships are rarely there with older women and that is a relief.

6. They're less rooted in conventions

Older women also tend to have already fulfilled their expectations of the American dream, complete with white picket fence, two kids and a dog. A significant number of them have already had that. So their expectations of a relationship tend to be less complicated, more focused on the emotions and comfort of being together.

And as for older women, they find that..

1. Younger men are adventurous

Naturally, they've got more stamina physically and are probably more into having fun than older men. They are spontaneous and can go with the flow. They tend to be less stodgy than their older counterparts, and less predictable too, which makes it exciting.

2. Younger men are more adaptable

Younger men often have no compunctions about moving in with the older lover, sharing their accommodation and their life. It means having to make fewer changes for the older woman, who likes it that way. She doesn't have to radically alter her life because of the relationship.

3. Younger men make them feel desirable

Younger men by virtue of their youth, make the older woman feel younger too. She feels energized by the excitement with which he throws himself into everything. She also feels needed and wanted when she sees the smitten look on his face. Younger men tend to be more transparent about their feelings than older ones.

Many such relationships, with the woman eight or ten years older than the man, or more, have met with astounding success. Sometimes, for the younger man it is the lure of the forbidden, a new experience. With the older woman, it might be the adventure and thrill of having a younger companion, which reassures her that she is still attractive. Whatever the reasons or the motivation, there are certain basic things that should be sorted out.

The two individuals involved should have chemistry and should click on a fundamental level. Their priorities should not be poles apart, resulting in a conflict of interests. If for instance, the man wants kids at some point in the future, he should make it clear. If the woman's biological clock has run out or she no longer wants kids in the future, such issues should be ironed out. When two individuals decide to make it work and are committed to the relationship, there is nothing that can come in the way, least of all a decade or two!

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